Conscious Costuming
A feminist parent’s thoughts on Halloween
With Halloween just around the corner, it’s fun to think up what this year’s costume might be. Are you riding solo? Matching with a best friend? Dressing the whole family to a theme? As the mom of a toddler, I thoroughly enjoy being able to think of a costume and then search out all the bits and pieces. Even better, I love when the challenge includes making rather than buying!
With PBS as a constant in our home, it’s no surprise that last year our costume was Daniel Tiger. When deciding to dress my daughter up as a male character, it didn't give me much pause. It wasn't magically going to change her gender or orientation. It was giving her a chance to see herself as the beloved tiger-friend, whose adventures and songs filled her with joy. This year, as I started trying to plan what we might dress up as, I hit a wall. Not because I was out of ideas, but because I wanted to continue raising my daughter with a sense self-love.
My daughter is, per generalized demographics standards, half-white and half-black. Though my husband and I both possess a rich mixture of different countries of origin, the descriptors of being mixed, and to what quantity, sadly hold more importance within the eyes of society. So, what happens when your child, who you see without descriptors, loves most is Peg from Peg+Cat? A smart female character who just happens to be white and blond shouldn’t need to be off limits because of physical attributes. How can you translate her desires into a costume, while still showing her that her body, mind, and self as they came are loved? I’ve seen other mothers question if they can dress their white daughters up as Doc McStuffins and not be racist. How should we treat the issue of race within our choices of costumes?
These are all good questions. I know that I speak from the place of a white mother and with that hold some privileges. I want to be clear that I don’t have THE answer, but I do have some thoughts that I think we should consider when dressing our children (and ourselves) in costumes. I think that it is important to teach children to love the skin their in, so they love others without associating skin color as a definition of character.
Can my daughter idealize Peg from Peg+Cat? Of course! What parts of Peg she idealizes will result from what you emphasize while watching the shows. Focusing on the smartness, her sense of humor, her compassion for others, and what a great friend she is to Cat. Then share those attributes with your child. Point out when she is kind, smart, compassionate, and a great friend. Then if she (or he) wants to dress up like Peg, buy or make just the clothes. Leave the wigs and face paint aside. Because I realized what is important is not letting children see themselves as their character friends, but seeing themselves in Peg, in Daniel Tiger, in Doc McStuffins. By doing this, what we are saying to them is that they hold value as themselves. That as human beings, they don’t need to be anyone else to be special.
We are raised to think of race and gender as binary, easily categorized attributes of self. That is far from the case. The only way to change the way in which we view race and gender is by changing the way we raise our children. A costume doesn’t have to be a fiber-for-fiber recreation for children to experience the thrill of play and exploration. Let their imaginations run wild. This is a gift that children have. Don’t underestimate their mind’s ability to fill in the pieces. As I am writing this, my daughter is walking around with her “special marble,” which in reality is a highlighter. A long, yellow marker is standing in to represent a blue, shiny sphere. Her imagination doesn’t allow her limitations. Any little boy or girl should be able to look up to their role models, whatever gender or race, and love them for who they are while still being able to love themselves.
So, when you reach for yours or your children’s costumes this year, consider this: What are you teaching them as people? As parents, we are our children’s source for discovering a sense of self. We can either give them inner strength or plague them with self-doubt. We can encourage them to see their most desired attributes and virtues as being inherit within themselves. That our children are responsible for determining their worth to the world and not the person next to them. By making conscious choices like this for your children, you are raising conscious human beings. It comes with a lasting result. And though you are doing it for your children, the world will benefit from your choices in the long run.
